Ecstasy VS Enstasy

I used to chase Ecstasy. All my life I have wanted to achieve that feeling of all encompassing bliss and overwhelming happiness that people speak about. When I did reach what I thought it might be, it lasted only for brief moments and was coupled with less than desirable side effects. 

My whole life was spent chasing this feeling that I thought I would find outside of myself. From travel to skydiving and from extreme sports to drugs. You name it, I did almost anything to achieve Ecstasy but could never really quite hold on to it. It was always this fleeting moment that wasn't even over before I was already missing its feeling. By the time it was over, I was already thinking of how I could tweak it the next time to see if I could make the feeling last a bit longer.

I became a doctor, self medicating, tweaking doses, adding subtracting quantities, adding, subtracting experiences and adding and subtracting friends.

Chasing Ecstasy always resulted in a bitter sweet experience that was followed by an anticlimactic period of emptiness, disbelief and confusion.

The heights a human being will go to in order to experience Ecstasy are impressive. Through history men have died and killed for it and women have conquered kings for it. Heck, I jumped out of a plane for it.

Often times Escape becomes a bi-product of seeking Ecstasy. It almost comes close to the feeling but shutting away from the world and from self becomes remorseful even depressing. I myself experienced many years of Depression during this time. This self inflicted isolation left me feeling cold, empty and lonely until I realized it really wasn't worth it. Until I found myself.

While I was chasing those fleeting moments, the high's were high and the low's were deep, deep lows. I found myself exhausted from always running, always chasing and always ending up empty no matter how big the night or how strong the drug. 

It wasn’t until I began going inward that I began to find peace. I didn’t know what I was doing at first but I was desperate, desperate to find peace. The deeper I went inside of myself, the harder it became but the more I tried, the more happiness I found. The more pain I faced, the more love I began experiencing.

The more authenticity I demanded from myself, the more freedom I generated for myself. And the more freedom I generated, the happier I became. I eventually found that experiencing Enstasy gave me more tangible rewards than I could ever imagine. I soon found that it wasn't a chase at all. It was more like a journey. I realized that over through all those years, the happiness I sought in others was actually something I could find within myself.

Imagine not ever having those ecstatic high's riddled with anxiety coupled with those deep low's of depression or isolation? Imagine waking up every morning excited and grateful for the day. Imagine living with a deep sense of Enstasy all the time everywhere you are? Enstasy is widely known as the experiences that arise as a consequence of using meditational techniques.

It starts by going inward. Going inward is the only way you can create the results you have been seeking outside of yourself. It seems counter-intuitive because we live in a hunter gatherer mindset which is a Masculine energy. Going within oneself for meditation is the practice of stepping into Feminine energy.

Some may wonder, “but how do you achieve Enstasy?” And to that I would answer, “Its not something you achieve or attain, it is something you practice.”


What it takes to bring Happiness into your Everyday Life

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life. To be happy. It’s all that matters.” – Audrey Hepburn

My definition of what happiness means has evolved over the years and now for me it means feeling healthy, feeling loved and feeling peace. Ten years ago, I would have read this quote and thought happiness meant grabbing my high heels and pulling an all-niter or seeking attention from unavailable men but all these activities just left me feeling empty and drained. A weekend of so called “happiness” would send me reeling into a week of sadness, loneliness, depression, guilt and unhappiness, of all things.

I would wonder, “Why do I feel so bad if I just did all the things that were supposed to make me feel good?” I slowly began to realize that the things I had chosen and the ideas that I had inherited about happiness did not work for me anymore. After finding myself in enough compromising situations, I began making small shifts.

The first and most important shift I made was to set the intention that I loved me more. I decided no matter what, that I loved me enough to put myself first from now on. Little by little I began choosing activities that filled me up and scenarios that I wanted rather than those that were expected of me or requested of me.

I began choosing me first and although it was difficult at first, the more I did it, the easier it got. Little by little, I began carving out a life for myself. A life that I was happy living, day in and day out, all the time. That’s the type of self-generated joy that created a deep well of security within me that keeps my soul nourished.

But it takes effort. It doesn’t just happen. I had to fight for what I wanted and put myself first even when I had to go against the grain. And it paid off. I wouldn’t trade what I feel inside today for a million dollars.

Nourish yourself and your desires. Find happiness within. Begin your journey.