Valentine's Day: what does it say about your worth?

Valentine’s Day is an interesting holiday. Some people live and breathe by it and others think it’s just another made up holiday and pay it no mind. For me growing up as a woman, Valentine’s Day was always a big deal because it was promoted in school and among my friends. We all talked about what boy we thought would give us a Valentine’s card and debated for weeks on end about what boy we would give a card to and without giving it a second thought, that same excitement transferred over into adulthood. 

As an adult, Valentine’s Day soon took on another light, it began feeling like a day of pressure. When my friends would ask “What did he get you?” and “Where is he taking you?," it felt like they were asking to see if his offering was worthy enough of Valentine’s Day. It was the qualifier because if the gift wasn’t up to par, all of us would disapprove and it would reflect poorly on the guys chances. It got to the point that if it wasn’t deemed special enough by my friends I wouldn't approve either. It also became even more stressful when I began equating what I would receive on that day to how much I was loved or not loved for that matter. That really sucked because it would never add up and due to my low self-esteem I always thought it was because I wasn't good enough.  Societal and peer approval is an interesting structure we have created and it’s something we buy into so easily in our formative years but does it really serve us rightly into our adulthood? 

Then the faithful day came that changed the way I looked at Valentine’s Day forever. The day my heart was broken on that day is a day I won’t soon forget. Valentine's ended up being one of the most heart wrenching days of my life. My boyfriend and I at the time had gotten into a fight a week prior to the day. What I didn’t know is that he would decide to take his female friend to the Alicia Keys concert he had bought us tickets for months prior as my Valentine's Day gift.  To add insult to injury, he came by before the concert while I wasn't there and left me 6 roses and a card along with a huge human sized Kermit the Frog stuffed animal. When I realized that he wasn't taking me to the concert and saw that Kermit sitting there on the couch, I was filled with so much hurt and anger that I grabbed it by the arm, threw it in my car and drove over to the girls house. I left it on her doorstep with a note saying that she deserves this frog more than me.  Needless to say that relationship didn’t last and my Valentine’s Day was totally ruined forever. Well at least for a long time anyway.

From that point on, I no longer wanted to celebrate it. I actually dreaded the day and I was always on edge leading up to it as though I was avoiding the trauma.  After that event, I went through a period where I was single for a few years and when the day would come, I would get so sad and depressed. I was not only remembering what happened that day but since I didn’t have anyone to give me anything and I had equated that to not being loved, the result was I felt like crap. In those days, if there wasn’t a boy asking me out for that holiday, I immediately felt left out and like a loser.  It was at this point that I started hosting my own get-together’s with friends on Valentine’s Day. I would make great food and decorate with romantic red hearts and I would invite all my dearest girlfriends over to spend it with me. Little did they know I was secretly mending my own broken heart. 

Once I started doing this, I began feeling more empowered and started realizing what it was actually about for me. Valentine’s had turned into a day where people proved their love to me and I had made it the defining factor for the amount of love I felt I had in my life! Therefore, if I didn’t have anyone on that day showering me with love, in my mind it meant that I wasn’t worthy enough to be loved!

Embraced by friends, I began learning that love was already around me and in me and that no matter what day it was, I was loved and honored by beautiful people in my life simply for being me. And now every Valentine's, I do something for me. For example, this time I am attending a heart vibration sound journey which I'm so excited about. I no longer seek exterior things to fill my heart and my soul. I learned to generate my love from within.  If for any reason you feel alone, or lonely or sad on Valentine's, I invite you to send me a message because I know what you are going through and would like to offer you some warmth to fill your soul. Remember that you are loved, you are so, so loved. 

On my Divine Journey of self realization I realized that when I love and honor myself fully everyday is Valentine's. Make a habit of surrounding yourself with loving people and creating meaningful moments. Learn to find ways to fill your own cup. I'm grateful I learned that I never needed a day to show me the proof of what love is because it was already there inside me to begin with.   I love you. Ps. Did you know when I say I love you I am also saying I love me because we are one? :)